Listen, I don’t know what you can hear, but all I can hear is the sound of sheep in the fields, birds in the trees and oh yes, himself thudding around the kitchen on a mission to make homemade mayonnaise to go with tonight’s barbecue.
Yeap, everything here in glorious Cumbria is great and after a couple of weeks of literally running around like blue-arsed flies we actually have a few minutes to take stock, slow down and catch our breath.
The last two weeks have been chaos, between birthdays, school runs, swimming, catching up with UK stuff, school events and general niff naff and triv it has been hard to believe that we are actually meant to be on holiday.
Anyway, it could be that I am being blatantly over optimistic and hurtling towards a major disappointment or that actually we have done all the hectic stuff and can now get on with life in Cumbria for a few weeks.
Yeap, himself even found time to pull on his lycra this morning and resume his parallel life as a MAMIL. Fortunately I was not here to witness this spectacle as I was on the school run, but the sight of several traumatised looking sheep on my drive back signalled what had sped past the sheep fields on his bike in my absence.
Anyway, by the time I had done my errands and got back, the lycra had been confined to the washing pile and he was diligently researching mayonnaise recipes.
Now himself’s love of cooking and experimenting with food has led to yet another family stand off situation. Regular readers will know that stubborn stand off situations are nothing new in our lives and I am constantly puzzled and bewildered as to where the gruesome twosome get their stubborn streaks from, (yeah – right…..)
You see himself has decided that the family favourite that is Heinz Tomato Ketchup has too much sugar in it and has spent many hours researching home made alternatives ably assisted by his collection of Tom Kerridge cookery books. He allowed the last bottle of the offending sauce to be used up before a trip to the fab shop that is Booths for the ingredients, (involving emptying the fresh tomato stock in the veg section) before returning back to start his experimenting.
Now there were several different incarnations of the homemade sauce before a final version with which he was happy.
I ought to mention that alongside the tomato ketchup production line was another one producing barbecue sauce.
Vast quantities of both sauces were produced and therein lay the first problem. Being in a rented cottage we are without our usual stocks of storage containers, glass jars etc and so what to store the sauces in? Well, being the resourceful type that he is, himself went to the recycling crate, washed a couple of empty wine bottles and beer bottles and proceeded to fill them with various homemade brews of sauces.
So, that evening with the barbecue lit, burgers sizzling nicely and sausages browning, the bottles were duly placed on the table. First of all the small man asked where the ketchup was and was more than a tad unimpressed to learn that his preferred variety had run out. He was even more unimpressed when he was told that there would be no more and the alternative was now the homemade versions that were sat in front of him, one in a beer bottle and one in a wine bottle.
Well, if you can imagine the end of the world hurtling towards in a small man at 200mph like Tim Peake re-entering the earth’s atmosphere at the weekend, very fast and on fire, then you may have an indication of the response from the small testosterone filled one.
I have to admit there were no tears, just a blank expression followed by a look of absolute incredulity.
He then proceeded to eat his barbecue dinner, without making a move or even glancing at the wine or beer bottle.
No discussion relating to ketchup or in factor any sauce was made and he just quietly ate.
The next night was a similar situation, no mention of Heinz Ketchup, or in fact any sauce, and no movement towards the make shift bottles and when they were offered to him a polite ‘no thank you’ was the only response.
So, that is pretty much where we stand. One stubborn, testosterone filled small man who despite never having even tried the homemade sauces is convinced he will not like them and is, on principle, avidly avoiding any contact with them.
Then we have a big man, i.e. himself, who is resolutely sticking to the principle of no more Heinz ketchup.
In between there is me who is trying to broker a peace treaty between the two men in my life. I have to say that I have tried the homemade sauces and they are rather tasty, but the small man, on principle, is rather harder to please…..
The mind boggles what the response about tonight’s offering of homemade mayonnaise is going to be. He has already been out and cast his carnivorous eye over the half a pig that is currently rotating on the barbecue and announced that it ‘is not really very big is it?’ His perceived lack of meat combined with the homemade mayonnaise, ketchup and barbecue sauce may just send him over the edge of sanity…
Stand by for updates on the ‘Sauce Wars’ over the coming days…..
So, to training. Well I think I am just about recovered from my baptism of fire with ‘Madfish’ at the weekend and my sinuses have just about thawed. That said, it was a fantastic weekend and I learnt stacks from it and have a yearning to drive to Windermere and throw myself once more into its waters.
However, I think the sudden deceleration in the pace of our lives over the last couple of days has hit me hard and my body has actually made a concerted effort to catch up. Yeap, all of a sudden I have sighed an enormous sigh and gone ‘flop’.
I wasn’t planning on training yesterday anyway after the exertions of the weekend but today I planned on running to school again over the fells in time for pick up.
It didn’t happen, in fact nothing happened other than me taking root on the settee in a dazed and snoozy fashion.
So tomorrow – off to the gym I go. Hey ho, hey ho, off to the gym I go…..
Don’t forget to donate, this is all about raising money for Tommy’s