I Needed Wing Mirrors To See That One Coming……..

Well, I would normally say no news is good news but in the case of the mortgage company no news usually means that they are concocting another random obstacle in the SAS standard assault course which is our pursuit of buying a house as expats in post Brexit vote England.


Knowing that the good Doc is an absolute dude and is more reliable than a pair of Marks and Spencer’s knickers I have no doubt that true to her word she was at the Medical Centre as promised at 0730 to pander to the latest random request. I would say that I would have met her there but that would have suggested that I did not trust her, (heaven forbid, this lady is way above that, she is a living legend on our compound), and in any case I overslept and didn’t wake up until 0900. At this point chaos erupted thanks to the fact I am so far behind the line with my pre BA big bird preparation.


So, with my apparent lack of planning and preparation today was decreed a rest day from the gym. Yeap it is a sad, sad day but sometimes needs must and to be honest having spent the time putting the lounge back together after several weeks of children slobbing was not far off a work out in its own right.

The small man was chilled about a rest day, he disappeared off to see one of his buddies instead and so was happy.

The reaction of the strawberry blond hand grenade to the enormous lounge clear up was, well, unique.

Singularly unimpressed by the fact that her squalid den of mess was being dismantled she begrudgingly made a token gesture of putting away a hand full of odds and sods before resuming her position on the couch.


That was short-lived as the clear up meant her having to relocate on several occasions and with much moaning around the lounge.

Eventually she positioned herself on the floor, iPad on the coffee table, earphones inserted as the vacuum liberated the carpet from crumbs, elastic bands, coloured pencils, Lego and loom bands. Yeap, no mercy was shown.


At this point the coffee table had to be moved and as I pulled it out of the way, basic laws of physics meant that the iPad went too.

Then something miraculous happened. As the table and iPad were moved to defumigate the carpet beneath, I swear that the hand grenade levitated off the floor by several centimetres, (or a couple of inches for the fans of imperial), and followed the table effortlessly in a supernatural sort of way.

Her eyes did not leave the screen and she relocated with the coffee table across the lounge.

After vacuuming the procedure was reversed and there was a repeat procedure.


It was all quite incredible and to be honest pretty surreal.

She seemed blissfully unaware of the events.

So, fast forward a few hours as my lunchtime scrubbing of today’s blog was brought to a dramatic halt by the arrival of a ravenous small man.

So here we are several hours later. The good news is that the wheels of the mortgage company are drifting into motion and we do seem to be crawling forward – a very slow crawl, but we are marginally further forwards then we were this time yesterday. The email from the good Doc has been received and we are told that the mortgage offer is imminent.

Now for the bad news. Are you ready for this. It is a cracker, an absolute gem, a peach and has come from so far off the left side quite frankly we would have to be wearing wing mirrors to see it coming.


So, planned completion on Friday – a fact that has been known and publicised for weeks, if not months. But despite this the sellers have completely neglected to empty their possessions out of the house. Yes, you read that right, they have not shifted the items they have left in there out and are now asking to delay completion till the first week of September.

Classic, absolutely classic.

They are citing the fact that they now live in Scotland as a problem, get real muppets – we live in Saudi Arabia and we have got ourselves sorted!


So, imagine a bottle of lemonade, (us and in particular me), that has been gently agitated for several weeks by a mischievous child, (the mortgage company). The pressure in the lemonade has been building but it has managed to control itself and not explode. Suddenly the glass for the lemonade, (solicitor), comes along and drops today’s bombshell while the ice and lemon, (mortgage advisor), is away from the freezer, (office).

Yes, the bottle has exploded, the glass has taken the majority of the fall out, (diplomatically I hasten to add as she is on our side and I am english after all), with a firm and unequivocal email that I hope she forward onto the seller’s solicitor. The ice and lemon had not seen the email but has had a full exasperated update from on the phone, (again diplomatically as she too is on our side), and has suffered the after-shocks.

I am just wondering if actually our long-suffering mortgage advisor was actually out of the office en route to or from the Tescos wine aisle – it wouldn’t surprise me and quite frankly I wouldn’t blame her.

So there we have it – shift your stuff or forget it.

Oh I hope that BA big bird has plenty in the drinks trolley tomorrow night! Oh bugger, I can’t even do that, I am driving once I get to London…………….nnnnnnnooooooooooooooooo


I would say my usual ‘Laters!’, but to be honest with my current state of mind I am not sure there will be a ‘Laters’. I wonder if the good Doc has some very strong tablets in the pharmacy……

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